Betch, Please!

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While visiting and catching up with lots of girlfriends, friends of friends, family, and extended fam (young and not-so-young) over break, one general subject came up repeatedly during our chatting.  As a result of this specific topic of conversation, I have concluded that girls will always have one common annoyance in their lives at every stage and age… and that is dealing with The Betch.

Everyone is under the false impression that once you’re out of high school drama ceases to exist.  Well, girlfriends, sadly it does not.  The Betch will appear in many stages of life; including, college, career, marriage, while raising your children/getting pets/buying a car or house, or getting your appendix out.  Similar to a chic and marvelous designer bag, or more appropriately, a blemish or food poisoning, The Betch comes in many shapes and sizes, and appears when you least expect her. The Betch can also closely resemble a chameleon…she is capable of turning right before your very eyes.

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**Specifications/Characteristics of The Betch:

She can look great.  She can act great.  But make no bones about it, she’s not great.

–       The Betch will talk about friends behind their backs.

–       She will make sly remarks or catty shots on Twitter, but has the knack of making it sound like it was meant to be ever-so-nice. You know the ones like… “OMG my friend’s baby is the cutest ever!  I love chubby little girls with double chins and chunky thighs,” or the, “Met my friend Mike’s new GF…she is the sweetest and I love her! #lolnevergonnaseemikeagainbecausehehasagirlfriend”

–       She is an absolute pro on giving the back-handed compliment.  You know that one too…“OMGGG that is the absolute cutest purse ever!  Looks like my real Prada from last year!!”

–       She admires your style or idea that you pitched in confidence, memorizing each miniscule detail. Then she attempts to copy it (without complimenting or acknowledging it), acting like she came up with it on her own…betch, please!

–       She attempts to become best friends with your friend(s) behind your back.

–       She frequently seems to have a bug where the sun don’t shine.

–       She consistently (and coincidently) seems to be smack in the center of drama.

–       She flirts with her friends’ boyfriends.

–       She may steal from you…even if her butt is three times bigger than yours!

–       She makes plans with other friends of both of yours and “accidently” leaves you out…woops!  (Betch will make sure you “accidently” find out about it too via Facebook pic, Snapchat, Twitter or comments).

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**The Non-Betch:

–       Has surrounded herself with things in her life that she loves.  She has no time or patience for nonsense or bull s***.

–       Is completely confident and secure with herself.

–       Has friends and knows how to treat them.

–       Has her own sense of style and knows how to use it.

–       Avoids gossip.

–       Will defend her friends and have their backs under any circumstance

–       Will be genuinely happy (and proud) to hear about her friends’ success and any happy news they may present.

–       Is supportive of you and all that you do.

–       Knows how to compliment.

–       Is not a jealous person.

–       Has no desire to butt-kiss.

–       Does not lower herself to “fight back” or contribute to drama; the Non-Betch has class.

–       Always seems to attract The Betch, as though she has a super-sized magnet glued to her back.

–       Actually unknowingly consistently pisses The Betch off… The Betch despises the Non-Betch because DUH, she’s a jealous and insecure Betch.

Note: The above friend is difficult to find.  When and if you do, she’s a keeper so treat her like gold.

**Gotta love:

The “Pull-the-rug-out-from-right-under-me” Betch:

This is the friend you meet who you think is your soul mate.  Seems perfect, until you find out she is anything but (refer to “The Betch” description above).   She has a master plan with a selfish motive in mind.  When things don’t go her way, look out, because she becomes a crazy betch and will reveal her true colors to everyone.  Beware…when someone seems too perfect; they’re usually hiding something.

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**Beware of:

The “Run-ya-right-over” Betch:

This is the betch who is an opportunist.  She moves way too fast, acting like your long lost best friend…a sure sign that something’s up.  This betch wants something and will stop at nothing (hence ‘will run ya right over’) to take what she wants from you and your life.  Could be a girlfriend she’s after, your group of friends, your boyfriend, job, or she may even be trying to get to a guy friend of yours.  Beware…too much too fast is never good.

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**How to Out-Betch a Betch:

Nothing is worse than being hurt, run over, cheated, lied to, or bamboozled by someone you thought was a friend, but is really a betch.  First, note that it happens to the best of your fellow girls.  Here is my advice to you:

–       Take the high road and simply cut the ties, thereby cutting your losses.

–       If she’s a super betch that you don’t need around, just cut her out of your life.

–       If you can’t avoid her (because of work or school), know you cannot trust her and simply play the game…from way across the board.  Do the minimum that you need to do to deal with her, but move on as best as you can.

–       Remind yourself that The Betch is obviously not happy with herself and most likely envious of you or what you have.

–       A betch’s only best friend is jealousy…just pity her.

–       A betch is toxic…so proceed with caution.  Toxic fumes cannot always be seen but can do extensive damage.

–       Above all, have satisfaction in knowing that what goes around comes around…and that karma can be a much bigger betch than The Betch will ever be!

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The Betch Cleansing

The Betch, unfortunately, will appear over and over in your life.  Surround yourself with good friends.  Routinely do a betch cleansing in your life. It is unfortunately as important as having your teeth cleaned, updating your wardrobe, and cleaning out your purse.  You are in control of your life and your surroundings, so make the changes that you need to make in your life to avoid drama and any betch you can.  Try to take drama with ease and do the best you can to cleanse your life and move on.  The Betch will never find complete happiness or satisfaction, but you will!

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