Click here to view my published article on HerCampus.
Let’s face it ladies, we want the entire package when it comes to a guy. We want a man, not a boy. A hottie, not a jerk. Sexy, not a conceited fool. A sense of humor, but not a dork. A little strength and lots of backbone, but not a caveman. Sensitivity, not a wimp. We want him to call, but not suffocate us in the process. We want a lot, and the search is brutal. We love chivalry, but its existence is questionable.
I conducted a survey for women between the ages of 20 and 26. The result is my ultimate list of every girl’s secret desire for the perfect guy. Guys, take note! And guys that fit the bill, come out of hiding for all of my very gentleman-worthy ladies out there.
I got the down and dirty gossip from girls about potential boyfriend/man material. What qualities do gals seek when looking for a man? What are our biggest pet peeves and turn-offs? What is an ultimate deal breaker regarding a potential bf? Is chivalry dead? What the HECK do we want??
Interestingly, there were many similarities in answers from the different female age groups I spoke with. For example, the biggest turnoffs in a guy for every girl I interviewed were, arrogance, a big ego, dishonesty, and a “man-whore” reputation.
So bros, listen up carefully, because here is the hottest lowdown on everything a girl wants when looking for her man…and what really turns her off.
What a girl wants…and what a guy needs:
* Motivation is completely sexy. Women love when their men are goal-oriented and have their priorities in order. It is the whole package. Having “drive” is a primary ingredient to impressing a lady, and simply a great trait to embrace in a guy’s every day life.
* Honesty and loyalty are key. These two traits make up the basic foundation of any important relationship. A guy must have these qualities; without them, what exactly is there?
* Lots of communication and a caring nature are essential. This isn’t something a guy can fake. He has it or he doesn’t.
* Being family-oriented is a must. One gal said that paying attention to how a man treats his“mother, sister and women in his life” is extremely important and a true indication as to how he will treat you. If a man is constantly disrespectful to his mom, proceed with caution. “A man who is not loving to his mom is most certainly not a keeper and should not even be considered.”
* Good manners and politeness are critical. He better open doors and know how to compliment. If he doesn’t do it now, he won’t do it later. So guys, if you aren’t a gentleman…you’re not attractive, no matter how sexy your abs are.
* A fun, spontaneous and creative personality keeps a relationship alive. Women love men who are always keeping things exciting and fresh. When asked to describe the ultimate date, many of the answers included “creative romance.” Feel free to be cheesy and corny at times. It’s cute! One gal said her ultimate date was when her man took her out to brunch and they hiked up to the Hollywood sign together. She referred to it as “adventurous, sweet and romantic…all in one!” Another girl described her ultimate date to be: “looking up at the stars in a pick-up truck bed full of pillows and blankets on a summer night.” We want our guys to have savvy style when it comes to making special plans.
* Pay attention to what your gal is saying. It is easy and really so impressive…all you have to do is listen…and actually hear what she’s saying. It makes your woman feel extremely special. Know a lot about her. No one, and I mean no one, likes someone who doesn’t listen and really pay attention to the tiny details. It makes a guy appear self-centered when he doesn’t listen and learn things about us.
* Have an awesome sense of humor. “Can’t date a guy who isn’t funny…duh!”
* Well-dressed and good hygiene are really important. Sport your style and class; know how to dress yourself properly without being asked.
* Tough is sexy. Take care of your gal! Every gal loves a hot “tough man” who knows how to be strong, but isn’t afraid to show his sensitive side too. In simple terms, man up when you should, and be a BIG cuddly teddy bear when you need to be.
What a girl DOESN’T want:
* If you want a piece of meat…go to a steakhouse. Exhibit A: “Check out those thighs…look at that rack!” No, no and just…NO. Women want (and deserve) a respectful man. One woman put it perfectly this way, “I understand that guys are going to do their guy thing and check out girls (just as girls check out guys), however, they don’t need to talk about girls like they’re just a thing or an object.”
* A bro with bad hygiene…ew!
* A man who treats his woman as inferior. Don’t even go there!
* When you’re in the “friends zone”…let’s keep it that way! Many guys, unfortunately, don’t know how to handle just being a friend. It is truly disappointing when you have a great guy friend who wants to take it to the next level, but feelings are not mutual. “Most don’t want to be just friends. It’s interesting though, because I’d love to date or marry a guy who I see as my best friend. But most don’t want to be friends first, they just want their hand in the cookie jar as fast as they can!” Okay guys – if you’re not invited for cookies, stay out of the jar. I repeat: stay out of the jar. It’s not going to end anywhere good.
* Being “lazy” is a major reoccurring deal breaker. In most answers regarding potential BF material, it was agreed that laziness is not cute, hot, or sexy…it’s just plain old immature, irresponsible, and unattractive! The lazy act gets really old, really fast. Get sh** done and live your life, and the perfect girl, will surely come your way. “If a guy doesn’t go to school or work (and doesn’t have a good reason for not doing so), that is definitely a deal breaker. I like motivated guys with goals.” Have ambition guys, you are sooo undesirable without it. If you need to make changes in your life, get off your butts and make them without whining about it!
* “Men who are obsessed with themselves” is a complete turnoff. Taking constant selfies at the gym, flexing your muscles, or lifting up your shirt by the bathroom mirror to showcase your “abs”…just no. If you are taking so-called “gym selfies,” you’re not doing much working out, are ya? By posting those selfies, you are accomplishing the exact opposite effect. Don’t do it! Don’t act like you love yourself more than you love everyone else…so unappealing.
* Acting completely different around his friends to try to impress a girl…is actually helping him make a complete idiot out of himself. That being said, of course we all act a little differently in front of our best friends. But don’t be a jerk about it. One gal said, “I can’t stand how they try to be so tough around their other guy friends, when really, many guys are even more sensitive than girls!” You’re not in high school anymore, grow up, and be the man you are meant to be.
* Be mature, and act your age. Immaturity is seriously one of the BIGGEST TURNOFFS…EVER. Once again, man up. Walk the walk, talk the talk.
* Don’t play games with me. Gals find players to be insulting and distasteful…unless they’re still in high school.
Many hopeful gals truly want to believe that chivalry is alive and well. Whatever happened to the gentleman who opens the car door for you, or helps you put on your jacket? The man who lets you enter an elevator first before he barges in, or helps an elderly lady (I’m NOT talking cougar) carry a package when he doesn’t know you are looking? These are things our dads do…but where are all of the gentlemen now? They are few and far between. And if you are lucky enough to have one, hold onto him because he is seriously a rare gem!
Here’s the scoop on what first comes to a woman’s mind when asked if “chivalry” is alive and well, or has been fatally injured:
“Chivalry is not dead, but close to it. A girl loves having the door opened for her, her chair pulled out for her at a restaurant, and little things like that! I think it’s so important for a man to show they care and are genuinely trying to make you one happy lady!”
“Chivalry is not completely dead. I still find that there are a select handful of guys that will hold doors for women and do little random acts of kindness. You just have to really look…being picky is a good thing, because you want a man who is chivalrous.”
“Chivalry is dead; there’s no such thing as a gentleman.”
“I don’t think Chivalry is dead, I just think finding the guy that still believes in this concept is very rare…not impossible though!”
“Chivalry is around, just hard to find. Interestingly, I think that if you find a guy who is nice to his mom, he will probably be more likely to be chivalrous.”
“Chivalry takes time to develop properly. Some guys need to be closer to his late 20’s before this part of a guy’s persona kicks in.”
“It’s disgraceful how chivalry seems to be a thing of the past. So many guys today are immature, self-centered, jerks. I open my own doors. One jerk of a guy nearly knocked me over a few weeks ago to grab a cab. MY CAB!”
“A guy without chivalry is still a boy. A guy who exhibits chivalry is a man.”
Well, there you go! The perfect man is hard to come by. Chivalry is not completely extinct, but a rare commodity. Most gals agree, when and if you are lucky enough to find that sexy, ambitious, witty, respectful, and romantic gem of a gentleman… he will be well worth the wait!